Chemo Endstage, apparently

Where I left my work situation is that I started a four-week vacation this past Monday, which will carry me 1 1/2 weeks past my last scheduled chemo. I no longer feel the same confidence that my onco will take me off chemo at that point, which will make further work arrangements potentially more confusing yet, but we'll cross that when we get to it.

I am finding it harder to summon my mental processes to write coherently, and have been spending a lot of time in bed since Monday. The last two days it's been hard to nap with the temp so cold, and my appetite remains problematic, although my wife/caregiver has been doing yeomanlike duty to keep me fed and try to expand my stomach.

Her job has gotten harder in this time, and I am so grateful for her presence, love, strength, and skill at a job no one should ever have to do.

I finally got around to shaving off my hair last Wednesday. It feel good, and especially feels better than the piles of my hair in the bathroom, on my pillow, etc.

I hear from various sources that the last two chemo treatments are the worst, and leave the recipients even more ineffectual than usual, so while I hope to be able to make other coherent posts, this may be the last for awhile

Oops, check that - another bad week after all

The painful spot in my abdoment that's been there in greater or lesser degree from the beginning came back fairly intensely after my last treatment (the one two weeks ago), but I didn't think too much abut it until it started to get worse over last weekend. I went to work Monday, but put in a call to my oncologist; I heard back from one of the nurses.

Monday night, I had difficulty sleeping and twinges of pain on trying to move around; Tuesday morning, I could barely get out of bed, and tried to work from home until I started noticing some little errors of judgement that could presage more serious errors.

I put in another call to my onco and heard back from her about 4; after talking to me awhile, she recommended I start using the heavy pain pills they gave me some time back, as long as they were taking care of the pain. I kept myself medicated all the way through the night, and when I woke up on Wednesday, the pain was much better. However, as the day went on, I found that I was weak and needed to take naps.

I wound up staying home the rest of the week, had to take the heavy meds yesterday, and feel that I need to have a talk with my manager about going on short term disability.

Better this time

For anyone who was worried about my last entry, this current round of chemo has been a lot easier on me so far than the last was. I feel pretty much myself and back to normal emotionally; the only real problem is an extreme lack of appetite. As I type, I am at work brewing a cup of ginger tea in the hope it will make me feel like getting something substantial for lunch. Yesterday I went out and optimistically bought a turkey panini, but I only managed to choke down a couple of bites. (Of course, finding a store that sold ginger tea in the Lower Market area of San Francisco was a bit of a chore.) I'm hopeful that the ginger tea will help because I can definitely feel that my stomach is unpleasantly empty, it's just that filling it is something I have to force myself to do, and that only works so far.

Also, that same painful spot in my abdomen is back at a fairly painful level; I'm hoping it will taper off over time, but so far is showing no signs of doing so.

This appetite situation is especially annoying in light of the fact that we're having dinner with my hospital roommate and his wife tonight. He and I spent about 5 1/2 days in each other's company at a particular low spot in both our lives; we saw each other at our worst, but some of the best in each of us came through too, and I feel honored that he's chosen to stay in contact.